perspective - my take on society, and myself

"You have so much to offer this world, Maria. It doesn't matter if right now you're not earning a significant income, or that you haven’t been overseas, or that you’re not peace-talking to stop wars; what matters is that, at 19, you're contributing some sort of beauty to the world. Injecting a sense of the creativity, beauty and innocence that is so lacking in the cesspool of violence and hatred that is society. These qualities begin small; as tiny, seemingly insignificant growths, yet they have the power to multiply and blossom."
"There's no such thing as wasted positivity or good."

- something really awesome and profound from a friend of mine

'Morning News' by Francis Luis Mora

It takes me about 2 minutes to walk to my nearest bus stop - 3, if I am in a pair of ridiculous heels that will cause an almost certain injury to myself (or someone else) at some point in the day/ night. In that time, I seem to always have a mini freak-out that my bus pass is missing, I'll be late, I don't have everything I need etc, the list goes on. I get on the bus in the end, and sit down, already scrolling through my phone at what is 'trending', 'new season' or whatever ‘fresh memes’ I've been tagged in (that last one is probably my favourite part of the experience).

Isn't it strange to think that while this scenario is happening, me waving down a bus in a quiet neighborhood, on my way to have lunch with a friend in the city; someone; a man, woman or child, is living in a state of war, amongst debris, devastation and pure heartbreak. The only thing separating us being timezone and a vast stretch of salty water. 

In between a pair of shoes "on sale for $19.95!" and a picture comparing Melania Trump with Michelle Obama, there's a news report story about a bombing, shooting, stabbing, or some other form of violence that shakes up an area. This juxtaposition of content is something I will recognize momentarily, feel pretty sad about, but then eventually move on within the next few hours. There's something so wrong with that. A part of me doesn't want to acknowledge that this sort of thing is real and happening now. It’s this filter in my brain… “Oh, well, we will just push that to the back behind the “you don’t have a Dad” thing and pretend it’s not happening”.

I think when you grow up reading Anne of Green Gables, fairytales and generally very flowery fiction, it's hard to grasp that hardship can be as raw and as brutal as it truly is in Europe and the Middle East right now. 

Does it make me a bad person that I want to be ignorant to the perils of this world? No, but it's growth-stunting. No one wants to know about terrible events! No one wants to know that a priest was murdered for saying mass in a church in France. No one wants to know that every single day someone's life is turned completely upside down by the immorality of another human, or a corrupt government system. 

This exists though, and it's horrible. And while I sip my soy latte in a cafe and read a book about mystery, romance and suspense; it's happening. 

If I want to contribute to improving the state of society, then recognizing that the world is pretty shitty at the moment is the first step in doing so. I'm actively trying to weave my way out of this "nothing bad happens" mindset by educating myself more, reading, and taking up courses at university that cover actual world issues. 

My life is such a clean thing. My problems are often limited to financial stress, and or whether or not I'm doing well at uni etc. I don't mean to say that this is insignificant because it’s not, but when I switch on the news, and paw through the daily newspaper, it's hard not to think, "Man, I am so damn lucky." Because I am. 

There's just so much ugly in the world right now. Such much hatred, so much anger and discourse. It makes me think; how the hell am I helping anything by sitting on my ass and writing about beauty and fashion all the time?

There is always going to be a voice in my head telling me; "you can be more, do more, see more". I want to feed that voice, because I know she's right. She's right in the sense that, yes, I am destined for more than a life of mundane, superficial things. Instagram pics mean nothing, neither does that playlist I made. 

But, that voice is also a little bit wrong. Yes, Instagram pictures don’t really matter, but if that photo provides even the smallest ounce of inspiration to someone, then yes, that’s a great thing. And that playlist I made? That could’ve taken someone’s 3/10 day to a solid 8/10 because hey, they just discovered a band that they will probably look back on fondly in 20 years time. Small things matter. And right now, my life is pretty small. I live in Brisbane, I am young, I am naïve. However, that’s where I am meant to be right now. 

But it doesn’t mean I will be here forever. 

There will always be a part of me that longs to live in a world of perfection. Maybe I will publish a book about frivolity and beauty later in life, and I will live in a beautiful home and have a white, fluffy dog in a quiet, suburban street. But maybe I will also reject that life and decide to spend it going overseas, out of my comfort zone, spending time with people who need my help through English teaching, international media correspondence etc. Or maybe I could do both, confident in the fact that I am doing everything I can, as an individual, to better this world. Using my talents in creativity and seeing beauty in everything to add quality and depth to my line of work. I don't know where I am going to be in 5-10 years time, but I hope it's not the same place I've always been, and I hope that the positive aspects of life outweigh the negatives for all those who are suffering. I also hope that amongst all the sadness in the world right now, good comes of it. 

My heart goes out to all the victims of terror attacks, violence, injustice and malice in this world. Especially the recent suicide bombing of a town in Syria that claimed the lives of so many people yesterday; may they rest in peace.