Monday, May 23, 2016

a far off place


After work on a Monday afternoon you'll usually find me nestled in a comfy chair in Dymocks, because printed text is are generally the only type of conversation I can manage in a sane manner after eight hours of customer service. I found The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho on the bestsellers shelf and though I've heard of it, I've never read it so I thought it might be a good idea to give it a go. There's a lot of profound revelations and inspiration in this book and I'm really enjoying it. The themes Coelho explores throughout the story have been quite relevant to my own life.

“Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.”At the moment, I'm going through a period in my life where I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm headed. I've grown up a lot in the last year and have realized who I want to be, but I don't know how to get there. I am not enjoying university at all at the moment - I feel like it's causing me more unhappiness than it is happiness, and my heart simply isn't in it at all. All I can think about is travelling and going on adventures and wanting to see the world, but there's a lot holding me back; money, the security of home, and the 'what ifs'. After what happened with Sydney this year, I feel like I'm not capable of going away from home for too long... and I'm scared, I guess. I'm scared of not feeling safe all the time, not having a plan B, and just not feeling PREPARED. I thrive off of routine and back-up plans, but I'm getting restless. I'm sick of doing the same things all the time. I want to jump on airplanes and fly off to far off places; I want to eat exotic food in Morocco, I want to see the Pyramids of Giza; sail through the city of Venice, get a taste for fine wine in Italy, gaze for hours at beautiful paintings in museums in Paris, listen to live music in an Irish pub, make friends with strangers... fall in love with the world and culture and people.
“People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams because they feel that they don’t deserve them, or that they’ll be unable to achieve them.” 
This is one of my biggest fears in life... not doing the things I've always dreamed of, taking the risks and being the person I want to be. At the moment, I want to do so many things but I feel like I'm not able to do them.

I think a lot of this uncertainty is going to pass eventually: when I establish a clear path in life, but at the moment, I feel pretty lost. Lost at 19... it doesn't sound like a big deal (and it's not really, in the big scheme of things), but not knowing what to do with one's time isn't the most empowering feeling. I'm sure many people have experienced/ are experiencing a somewhat similar feeling/ status.
Anyway. I hope you all have a lovely week - good luck if you're a fellow student/ slave to the books like me and have assessment due in the next few weeks!


2 comments:

Harlow Darling said...

Have you been to Folio Books in the city yet? It is a few streets away from Dymocks (closer to the botanic gardens) and I think you might love their selection. However be warned - it is a dangerous shop to venture in to because if you're anything like me you might come out with 5 or 10 books...

It is totally okay to feel how you are feeling at the moment, I felt the very same until I was 23 - it's only in the last few years that I've figured out where I'm heading. And there is nothing wrong with not wanting to be far from your loved ones at all :)

http://www.harlowdarling.com

Linda said...

Beautiful photos and outfit! :)