“QUICK! Run away from the Creativity Graveyard before it buries you!” – PART 1 (in a series of life improving steps by Maria Savage)
So... me, and 19.
You know how much that above line killed me to write? I can just hear myself saying “Ahh! No! It’s “19 and I”, but the above just sounds better. Screw you, English. Oh, and the two exams I should be studying for next week. Instead, I’m sitting here writing about something that has nothing to do with what I am studying at uni.
And that is EXACTLY the problem.
I touched based on this issue about a month ago when I last sat down and wrote for Avenue Maria. Simply put, I’ve hit an absolute plateau in my life and I have no idea how to get myself out and keep on running. I just know that I need to, SOON, or else I’ll lose my mind. I don’t feel successful, I rarely feel inspired and the only thing that keeps me going (creative-wise) is the fact that I still see beautiful things everywhere and can take photos of them. My Instagram feed seems to be the only reminder that I’m still Maria – I still love what I can do. And that’s all I want to do.
I’m studying writing and communication at uni, and aside from a *few* positive things, I kinda hate it. I hate the fact that all I seem to do is read about grammar and punctuation, and forms of non-verbal and verbal communication. You know what that stuff is to me, and my brain? DRY. BORING. Limiting.
It’s limiting because I want to make things, I want to create, I want to feel, and I want to do. I want to pour my heart and soul into creating beautiful things, and content! You wanna know why? Because I’m really fucking good at it. I’m really good at designing things, and making things look nice, and appreciating beauty. Content, for this blog, has been so terribly neglected in the last 18 months.
Moving to Brisbane and doing all these new things was one of the best things I have ever done for myself, but now that I am here and I’m more than settled in, I feel like I’m not achieving anything. It just feels so wrong that I’m not pounding the pavement with artwork under my left arm, a steaming coffee in my hand, and the latest issue of Frankie in my handbag. It feels wrong that all I ever seem to be able to write about is THIS STUFF. The fact that I miss the way life used to be when I was smashing out high school assessment, as well as running a really successful blog that landed me in magazines and gave me the opportunity to work with wonderful brands that I genuinely cared about.
I feel like a broken record. You know what I should be writing about? How-to this, and how-to that. And how to make your life wonderful, and exciting, and how to follow your dreams! But I can’t write an accurate, honest article like that unless I’ve tried and tested and learnt from experience.
So here we are. This is Step 1. Hey guys, I’m not loving where my life is going at the moment and I want to change it. I’m going to change it. I don’t know how I am going to go about doing that, but I’m going to make lists, drink lots of coffee, read lot of magazines and talk to people until I figure out what the hell I should do.
Please tell me I’m not the only 19-year-old out there that feels this way? I mean, I already know the answer to that question, because there are 7.4 billion people in the world, so there would, statistically, be lots of others, but I still feel pretty alone on this one.
I have been blogging for six years, and in that time, my knowledge of social media, photography and the writing industry has developed in a completely unique, self-taught way. I got a head start before uni. I started blogging for the first time when I was 12. I learnt the basics of html coding when I was 13. I taught myself how to use photoshop when I was 14, I was featured in magazines when I was 15, and I started working with big companies before even being a legal adult. This isn’t stuff that I am boasting about; my point is that I skipped the basics, and now I’m at uni and being treated like everything is NEW, when actually, Professor, I’ve been working on this sort of stuff for seven years of my life. It’s not new to me, it’s a concept I may not have a degree in, but I bloody well feel like I should because of the real-life experience I’ve had. Instead of being challenged, and excited about the content I am currently learning, I’m bored. I’m paying six grand a semester to be bored out of my mind. That’s not the kind of lifestyle I signed up for, and I need to change it now.
I have always pictured myself as being a successful woman that glows outwardly from confidence, success and an impeccable water intake. And I still am that woman, I know I am her, she’s just buried underneath pages of communication theory that dates back to the 80s, and a student debt that means nothing.
If you got this far, thanks for reading. You’re a legend, and feel free to leave a comment below with advice or personal experience.
“Girl Running with Wet Canvas”, 1930, Norman Rockwell
Carrie Bradshaw collage via Elle