“QUICK! Run away from
the Creativity Graveyard before it buries you!” – PART 1 (in a series of life improving steps by Maria Savage)
So... me, and 19.
You know how much that above line killed me to write? I can
just hear myself saying “Ahh! No! It’s “19 and I”, but the above just sounds
better. Screw you, English. Oh, and the two exams I should be studying for next
week. Instead, I’m sitting here writing about something that has nothing to do
with what I am studying at uni.
And that is EXACTLY the problem.
I touched based on this issue about a month ago when I
last sat down and wrote for Avenue Maria. Simply put, I’ve hit an absolute
plateau in my life and I have no idea how to get myself out and keep on
running. I just know that I need to, SOON, or else I’ll lose my mind. I don’t
feel successful, I rarely feel inspired and the only thing that keeps me going
(creative-wise) is the fact that I still see beautiful things everywhere and can
take photos of them. My Instagram feed seems to be the only reminder that I’m
still Maria – I still love what I can do. And that’s all I want to do.
I’m studying writing and communication at uni, and aside
from a *few* positive things, I kinda hate it. I hate the fact that all I seem
to do is read about grammar and punctuation, and forms of non-verbal and verbal
communication. You know what that stuff is to me, and my brain? DRY. BORING.
Limiting.
It’s limiting because I want to make things, I want to
create, I want to feel, and I want to do. I want to pour my heart and soul into
creating beautiful things, and content! You wanna know why? Because I’m really
fucking good at it. I’m really good at designing things, and making things look
nice, and appreciating beauty. Content, for this blog, has been so terribly neglected
in the last 18 months.
Moving to Brisbane and doing all these new things was one of
the best things I have ever done for myself, but now that I am here and I’m
more than settled in, I feel like I’m not achieving anything. It just feels so
wrong that I’m not pounding the pavement with artwork under my left arm, a steaming
coffee in my hand, and the latest issue of Frankie in my handbag. It feels wrong
that all I ever seem to be able to write about is THIS STUFF. The fact that I
miss the way life used to be when I was smashing out high school assessment, as
well as running a really successful blog that landed me in magazines and gave
me the opportunity to work with wonderful brands that I genuinely cared about.
I feel like a broken record. You know
what I should be writing about? How-to this, and how-to that. And how to make
your life wonderful, and exciting, and how to follow your dreams! But I can’t
write an accurate, honest article like that unless I’ve tried and tested and
learnt from experience.
So here we are. This is Step
1. Hey guys, I’m not loving where my
life is going at the moment and I want to change it. I’m going to change it. I don’t know how I am going to go about
doing that, but I’m going to make lists, drink lots of coffee, read lot of
magazines and talk to people until I figure out what the hell I should do.
Please tell me I’m not the only 19-year-old out there that
feels this way? I mean, I already know the answer to that question, because
there are 7.4 billion people in the world, so there would, statistically, be
lots of others, but I still feel pretty alone on this one.
I have been blogging for six years, and in that time, my knowledge
of social media, photography and the writing industry has developed in a completely
unique, self-taught way. I got a head start before uni. I started blogging for
the first time when I was 12. I learnt the basics of html coding when I was 13.
I taught myself how to use photoshop when I was 14, I was featured in magazines
when I was 15, and I started working with big companies before even being a
legal adult. This isn’t stuff that I am boasting about; my point is that I
skipped the basics, and now I’m at uni and being treated like everything is
NEW, when actually, Professor, I’ve been working on this sort of stuff for
seven years of my life. It’s not new to me, it’s a concept I may not have a
degree in, but I bloody well feel like I should because of the real-life experience
I’ve had. Instead of being challenged, and excited about the content I am
currently learning, I’m bored. I’m paying six grand a semester to be bored out
of my mind. That’s not the kind of lifestyle I signed up for, and I need to
change it now.
I have always pictured myself as being a successful woman
that glows outwardly from confidence, success and an impeccable water intake.
And I still am that woman, I know I am her, she’s just buried underneath pages
of communication theory that dates back to the 80s, and a student debt that
means nothing.
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If you got this far, thanks for reading. You’re a legend,
and feel free to leave a comment below with advice or personal experience.
Image sources:
“Girl Running with Wet Canvas”, 1930, Norman Rockwell
Carrie Bradshaw collage via Elle
1 comment:
Hi Maria,
I feel exactly like you, and we have a similar path (had my blog since I was 13 and I'm turning 19 in a month). It's a beautiful text, good luck, I can't wait to see what you're going to do in the future xx
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