I'M ON MY WAY // winter uniform

 Tokito blouse, Target jeans, Topshop shoes

Hello!

I can't even remember whether I made it clear just how excited I am about being on holidays! Yes, it's true. I've got three weeks of pure bliss ahead of me. And since I clicked publish on the last couple of posts, life has significantly improved. The end of financial year has been a benefit in a number of areas of my life; most importantly, it's meant that Centrelink has upped my fortnightly pay by such a sum that a lot of my financial trouble will be relieved for the second half of the year. It's still not a lot that I will be getting, but when you're a student with multiple bills to pay and minimal work hours, every penny helps. Which leads me to my next point... I'm still not sure whether I will actually continue my studies for next semester (hopefully will come to a conclusion by next week). It's tough because I am halfway through my degree and if I keep going, I will be a graduate at 20, which is an immensely enticing thought. However, it all comes down to money, really. Being poor and having that financial strain adds to a degree that I'm not really enjoying; making it unbearable... which I have already emphasized enough! Ha. 

Anyway, onto more positive things - I am home again with my family, which has been a lot of fun. Basically, my time here consists of watching romcoms with my little sisters, eating WAY TOO MANY cookies, making dance movies and doing what sisters do... muck around and squabble with a bounce back rate of about 3 mins after an argument. Living the dream!

I'm feeling vastly more optimistic about life because of plans for the next few weeks; some friends and I are going on a road trip to NSW to go camping and bush walking in single digit weather (which will be very cold and very fun... and great driving experience for me!). I am also going to be my FIRST EVER concert too, so that's exciting. Apparently there's this thing called a moshpit? Not sure what that is but I will let you know how it goes. 

I hope wherever you are, or whatever you are doing, you are happy, and you have a great weekend/ week/ life. Over and out!

P.S: These jeans are called "Girlfriend" jeans, and are a slightly more fitted version of the "Boyfriend" jean that were popular a few years ago. Winter in Queensland is very mild, so this is basically what I wear every day when it's chilly. Sartorial life is quite simple these days when you're not sweating like a piglet in the sun, and there's a lovely fresh breeze blowing almost always. 

Currently listening to: I'm On My Way by The Proclaimers 

PART 2 // Anxiety & Mental Health

“QUICK! Run away from the Creativity Graveyard before it buries you!” – PART 2 (in a series of life improving steps by Maria Savage)

Happy weekend, friends! 

The last post was pretty heavy – I get that – but it was an important stepping stone for me. Recognizing one’s own dissatisfaction and unhappiness isn’t the easiest thing to do. Having your life together is the desirable status – so admitting that, hey, I don’t at the moment, means I’ve had to choke down a whopping portion of humble pie... apparently the perfect life doesn't exist?!

I thought I would update you all on what I have done so far since my recent publishing of the ‘creativity graveyard’ that is (according to me) my life. 

Firstly, I’ve had anxiety for a while now, but it’s the first time I’ve actually made an effort to actively address the issue and nip it in the butt before it gets worse and makes life even more miserable. It’s a hard thing to describe as a lot of people can experience anxiety (and depression) differently, but for me it sometimes gets so crippling that I can’t go about my everyday life routine without negative thoughts and irrational fears ruining my plans and turning me into the opposite of myself; a nervous and distressed character. My loved ones know about it, and have obviously experienced it first hand, and I’ve had a few recommendations to try out anti-depressants and pills to help improve the situation, but for me, I would rather do anything else. I’m a talker, so I’ve booked in to regularly see someone about what has been bothering me, and I’ll definitely keep you all updated on that as well. I am a very happy, and also blessed young woman, so waking up in the morning and feeling sad, unmotivated and generally very underwhelmed with my life is worrying and nonsensical to me. 

In between appointments with the psychologist, I’ve been doing a few things that have significantly helped in reducing my stress, anxiety and general “being sad” state. You don’t have to do these things, even if you just get up and get dressed for the day that’s an awesome achievement in itself, but if you are feeling particularly strong, here’s what you could do :)

• Are there any markets on where you live? Markets have an extremely positive and beautiful atmosphere about them. Every Wednesday in Brisbane city I head to the Farmer’s market. There are always colorful, fresh flowers; the smell of freshly baked goods and wholesome fruit and veg to appreciate. You can spend little to no money – just being in the presence of it all makes me happy. 
• Call you Mum. Or your sister, or your brother or an aunt, or an uncle. Even better, visit home for a few days. If things are really starting to get overwhelming, cancel your weekend plans and visit your family. 
• Fresh air. Exercise is such a weird thing for me… before doing it I HATE the thought of it, during I usually am thinking “Hey this isn’t so bad… I could get used to this!” and afterwards I ALWAYS think, ‘Wow, that was amazing!’. Even if it’s just a 20min brisk walk in the late afternoon. It’s also a beautiful bonus if you get to see a spectacular sunset. 
• Put on a cheerful playlist and clean something. It’s productive and distracting! 
• Write a letter to someone you care about – even print out some photos for it too. Doing something nice for someone else has amazingly powerful “warm fuzzies” feelings for you, too. 
• (If you are religious… or even if you aren’t!) Go to mass. Going in the morning at 7am is a good time to go for me because I can usually go for a walk before or after. It’s very quiet and relaxing and can be a really positive way to start the day. 
• Be kind… to yourself. This is the hardest thing for me to do out of all of the above. I get so frustrated with myself and the negative self-talk can be pretty horrible. Someone once said to me, “don’t say to yourself what you wouldn’t say to your best friend if she was feeling sad/depressed/ lonely”. So, be kind. Be nourishing, be gentle. It’s probably one of the most important things you can do, and I am still struggling with that. 

This is a small list of things that have been helpful to me… obviously there are a lot more, but I will add to it over time. Feel free to leave suggestions below of what helps you if you are feeling a little… flat. 

So… that’s Part 2 of ‘Life Improving methods by Maria Savage’ – even though it’s pretty self-explanatory, it can be hard to do, getting help if you are struggling with something. Mental health, especially within the younger generation, is something I am really passionate about, and I think the first step towards being actively passionate about something is addressing your own struggles with it first, and hopefully overcoming them. 

I will be back soon – thanks for reading! Part 3… hopefully that is a detailed plan of what I am hoping to do with the rest of my life… I mean, the next 6 months at least, would be a start. 

P.S: Big shout out to my little sister who so wonderfully took these photos for me today! A real patient operator she is, I am the *pickiest* when it comes to angles, lighting and composition… 

Hello from Brisbane, and the life of Maria!

Me, feeling like a proper lady on the steps of the casino in Brisbane city!

The amount of times in the last month that I've written 200 words of a blog post only to toss it aside aimlessly in hopes of "finishing it later" has been astounding. I love to write, I really do, and taking photos and being creative and all that jazz, but being so busy with other things has killed my vibe. Since we last spoke (or, since you last read), I finished my first year of university, was promoted to a barista at work (which is all very exciting and new!) and have celebrated one year since graduating high school. How profound is that? I can't believe it's been 12 months and it's a nice feeling knowing I've achieved something/s during 2015. So, here's a little recap of the last four weeks for you.

Overall, my new job is going well! I say "overall" because today was a bit terrible, but I think it was one of those days. I managed to smash an expensive cafe plate and glass latte cup, flick filthy mop water up into my face and whenever I went to chat with a customer, I fumbled over my words and when I awkwardly tried to resurrect my broken sentences, I only stumbled further. Despite it all, I have to laugh because I said to a co-worker right before I clocked on, "This is going to be a marvellous shift, I'm sure of it!". Oh, the irony! I am quite happy with things in that aspect though, I've made some lovely friends and it's always nice being able to recite the orders of those who come in on a daily basis. At least I have some element of my life together, even if it is remembering whether or not someone's cappuccino is 1/2 strength or not! 

University went as well as can be expected when you have stressful few months involving personal dramas, and I won't lie and say I got straight 7's the whole way through, but I am happy with the grades I did achieve. UQ treated me well, and honestly, that campus deserves all the praise and hype it gets because it really is beautiful. QUT will be my uni though next year! I submitted my application last night for a dual degree with Business and Journalism and am SO EXCITED to be studying something that I am naturally quite good at. It's so nice to be on holidays. I exclaimed my excitement about finishing right before my last exam to one of my roommates saying "Ah! Holidays! I can sleep in, watch movies and have fun with my friends!", and her response was "Maria, you do that anyway". Haha, at least I can do all of those thing without feeling a pang of guilt. 

Onto more personal matters, I'm doing much better than I was in late September through to mid-late October. A lot of growing up had to be done to cope with financial stress and all that kind of thing, but I'm doing okay. At the moment I'm just relishing in the fact that I'm on holidays! Mum's saying "Love many, trust a few, always paddle your own canoe", has been the daily mantra in surviving adulthood over the last few months and as always, I'm incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful group of people in my life who love and support me the way they do. And, for all those nosey-bodies who have inquired relentlessly on my tumblr about whether or not there's been any romance in my life, here's your answer: Nope. And that is totally okay, because, to be quite frank, as much as I would love a Gilbert Blythe in my life to help me cope with things that bother me, it's much more rewarding in the long run if I can do it all by myself. :) 

With Moon River playing in the background and a pot full of chicken pasta on the stove, it's definitely time for me to depart and say goodnight. I'm not sure when I'll be back with another entry, but hopefully it'll be soon. Thanks for reading and take care of yourselves! xo

Let It Be

You know the saying, “When life gives you lemons…”?

Well, in the last few weeks, Life didn’t “give” me lemons, per se. No, they were absolutely pelted at me. Consecutively. And also to a lot of people who I love very much, so it’s been a little bit sour lately. All I wanted by the end of last week was my Mum, and for my worries to be limited to whether or not the character in the book I am reading was going to have a happy ending. Being home really puts things into perspective for me, and although lately things have been sad/ stressful/ difficult, here’s what I have to say about it:

When I moved out of home in February, I was 17, and had absolutely no idea what I was signing myself up for. As this year is starting to draw to a close I can’t help but be incredibly proud of everything I’ve achieved since leaving the Sunshine Coast and heading off to uni. I was originally never going to leave home (well, a least for a couple of years), because it was comfortable, familiar and I knew exactly what to expect. It was like a straight road; I knew exactly what was ahead of me as far as the eye can see. Moving out was like a foggy forest trail and I could only see about 100m ahead. When I got my acceptance letter from UQ in January I knew that it was the right thing to do and I haven’t looked back since. I’ve learnt so much about myself and life in the last few months and I’m incredibly lucky to have such beautiful friends, supportive family and an awesome network in general. I think it’s really important to keep the big picture in mind when you hit MAJOR bumps in the road and that’s exactly what September/ October was like for me. A major bump.

Things that helped me through were:

1. Reminding myself that what I’ve done so far is great and worthwhile
2. That life shouldn’t be seen as a ticking time bomb… you shouldn’t feel like you *have* to have a uni degree by age X, or that you should have your license or a boyfriend at X age etc. The keyword there is “have” and “should”. Under what governance? Society, that’s what! It’s a shame that so many young people (including myself) get so caught up in what is expected of them that they forget to value what they already have/ achieved.
3. Asking myself that question, “will this matter in five years?”. Most likely, the answer will be no. 

It’s been really lovely visiting home the last few days. It’s so relaxing and spending time with my family was exactly what I needed to do. Yesterday I caught up with some of my schools friends at the beach for drinks and a catch up which was really refreshing and today I hung out with two of my roomies and friends at Kondalilla Falls. The weather has been absolutely beautiful lately too, so overall, I’m feeling pretty healed. And also, maybe like a tiny weeny bit tan? Okay, maybe not. #palegirlprobs

Anyway - onto the photos! So, this is probably the best representation of my natural hair ever shown on Avenue Maria and it’s the direct result of waterfall explorations and air drying in the sun. It’s bit crazy, and very curly and I’m embracing it, as you can see. The dress I’m wearing is also very ‘Maria’ I think. It’s very special to me, it was a spontaneous purchase which I paid off over the period of about six weeks in order to save my bank account the shock of a $130 instant drainage. The spring collection at Portmans has been very hard to walk past whenever I visit Queen St. mall and this floral midi was one of those “I just can’t continue living without it!” purchases. 

I hope you’ve all had a great weekend! Remember, life gets sweeter (see first para), everything is temporary and you’ll be okay. I’m now going to do what I often do after writing up a blog post… sip some rooibos and watch an Elvis Presley movie. Night!

bicycle // life update

Hello everyone! It seems time has absolutely flown by this year and it's already the sixth month in and I haven't done a blog since early March - the early days of my 'moving out life/ phase' have well and truly passed and I've settled into my new home in Brisbane very well. I'm pleased to report that since I last wrote, things have just been getting better and better. I am still in love with UQ; the atmosphere, how it looks when I am heading home in the late afternoon when the sun is glimmering between the sandstone pillars in the Great Court, the intelligent and insightful professors that have taught me so much, and all the lovely friends I've made in my courses. I've honestly never been so happy, you guys. My roomies and I are constantly laughing and mucking around; I am part of an awesome community of accepting and great friends; I can explore the beauty that is Brisbane whenever I please; head out to fancy dinners and dances wearing beautiful gowns; immerse myself in culture and learning... and, I go to bed with a twinkle in my eye and a smile in my heart. Brisbane is more than I ever thought it would be and I find myself completely awestruck at how lucky I am to be living this life. 

I decided to come home for a few days this weekend to see my family and my close friends - hence the familiar suburban background! It was a lot of fun to get back on my bike and take it for a spin even though I fell off moments after the pictures were taken (*face palm*). The next few days will be spent relaxing, shopping and catching up with my old friends before I head back home (to Brisbane... my home...how weird!) to start studying for my final exams. How are you all? If you're reading this than thank you for still visiting Avenue Maria! I swear it's not a cemetery, I'm gonna try and update a little more when I have the time :) In the meantime, I'm still an avid Instagram user, so if you'd like a more personal, slightly excessive glimpse into my life - feel free to follow! @avenuemaria is my username, naturally. 

Anyway, it's been quite an exhausting (but still good!) day of long train rides, shopping, eating and socialising. I'm definitely excited about diving into my floral PJS, fluffy socks in my old bed with rooibos and Throne of Glass (my current favourite book - highly recommend!). 

Until next time,

xo

Currently listening to:

First by Cold War Kids

Circles by Vanic x machineheart

Centerfold by The J. Geils Band

If You Ever Want To Be In Love by James Bay

I Want To Break Free by QUEEN

life through the lens #6

Lovely pink peonies from the markets in Brisbane // Romantic pastels and huge sunglasses for warmer winter days

My sisters and I made these pancake for lunch and it was by far the best lunch we've ever had // Reading in the sun with a sandwich and a good book 

Greetings internet! Today I thought I would share a few snippets from my Instagram (and my camera roll in general) from over the last month or so. Some of these photos consist of what I've been up to these holidays which have mostly consisted of impromptu cafe visits, sleepovers with friends, the beach and delightful food. To balance out the relaxation/ decadent food side of things, today my friend Abbey (along with her sister and Mum) did a 20km walk from Yaroomba to Noosa. I'm not sure whether my body has fully grasped the fact that I walked such a long distance, but I'm sure I'll find out tomorrow when I inevitably wake up with sore limbs (but hopefully glowing post-exercise skin)! 

 Stopping for an 'Emma and Tom' break in Brisbane in between the museum and the gallery // Pretty watercolour sunsets at Kangaroo Point

Driving around town in Ruby's vintage car - it's so much fun when your friends have their licenses! 

Pretty flowers on an overcast afternoon // The neighbour's little puppy is always stopping over our house for a visit! She's such a fluffy little darling

I hope you enjoy looking through these pictures and if you're on holidays, you're having a wonderful time! I hope you're enjoying life in general because everyone deserves to :) I'm off to sip some rooibos tea and crawl into bed with season 4 of Gossip Girl. Yep, I'm hooked again. 

Finally happy with the decorating of my room - my two pillows are from Target and the wall art is from various magazines and the watercolour is something I did earlier in the year which I was very happy with! 

 Coolum Beach was absolutely BREATHTAKING today. We wanted to swim so badly but it would have put us off course! 

Husk and Honey deliciousness // Denim jackets are my life

ACNE // 1 year of treatment, FAQ, roaccutane progress pictures

(No makeup, no editing, June 2014) 

Hello! It's been a while since I've updated you on how things are going with my skin and roaccutane. I've been on this treatment for well over a year (since April 2013) and I'm hoping that my derm will let me finish sometime in July. I'm completely delirious at the improvement of my skin and how much of a difference this has made in my life. If you've read my first post about acne, you would remember I was extremely insecure about it and it was terribly hard for me to share pictures like that. Well! I've pulled through because these pictures were taken today and despite the quality being slightly skewed by Blogger, you can see that all that's left now is scarring and redness (which is a side effect of roaccutane anyway), which is a very stark contrast to the last photos!

Today I'm going to be answering a few questions I've been getting about this treatment - mainly from emailers who want to take Roaccutane etc. 

Does roaccutane make your skin dry/ itchy/ inflamed? How did you treat it?

It really depends on the person but for me it did all of those things. Initially, when I was on a very small dosage but my acne was built-up under the skin and severe, it made my skin very itchy/ dry and inflamed. This went on for about the first five months. It was really hard and often made me cry because I couldn't put my head down on the pillow because I was in a lot of pain but eventually I got used to it. There are a few products you can use to help though: using a very gentle moisturiser like this one by QV will gently hydrate your skin without irritating it and using the moisturiser from their 'Flare Up' range also helped a lot too with the inflammation. 

What did you skin look like this time last year? 

Okay, so in June/July last year my skin was really inflamed and painful - mainly because my skin was starting to fully absorb the roaccutane AND because it was Winter and the air was so dry. But here's what it looked like a year ago:

And here's that side of my face today...

How many mg are you on now? How has it affected your skin?

My dermatologist dropped me down from 20mg on one day and 40mg the next day to only 40mg/week. That was a recent change and I can notice the difference in the redness of my skin already. I take one 20mg tablet on Monday and Thursday nights. This is for maintenance purposes to help my body get used to the change. If I get a pimple (which hasn't happened in a while), he'll bump the dosage back to 20mg a day. 

What's the most annoying thing about this medication?

How dry it makes my skin/ lips! I used to have the oiliest skin EVER and now my skin is so dry it's like a cracking desert in Saudi Arabia. Depending on how many mg you are on, it also makes your skin very red and fragile. The other day I took my glasses off and the metal part that sits at the top of my nose lightly scraped my skin and took a layer off! I was like "Um, what?!" and also the other day I ran into the kitchen bench and the next day I woke up with a colossal purple bruise on my side. These things are annoying but it's not really a HUGE deal. I've just learned to be a lot less clumsy. I've never been in pain while on this medication so it's not a huge factor. 

How often do you moisturise/ wash your face?

I moisturise and wash my face twice a day (morning and night), every day. It's really important to moisturise your lips as often as you can as well because sometimes they peel and it can be a little uncomfortable. My favourite lip balm of all time will fix that though. Another tip as well; NEVER go to bed with makeup on. Just don't, it's not good for your skin anyway, let alone if you have skin problems. 

Before and after picture with the most difference? 

This picture is kinda crazy actually. The top picture was taken in May last year I think... and the bottom one was taken today.

What are some products I can use for emergencies? My skin has been so dry and painful lately and it really hurts. 

Ah, I know exactly how you feel. One of my favourite things to use if my skin is just really, really dry and itchy etc is the QV Rescue Gel. It's very cool and soothing and perfect for sensitive skin. I also like the QV lip balm.

If you're so happy with your skin, why do you still wear makeup?

Good question! I wear makeup because I'm self conscious about how red my skin is at the moment - not about acne. I also like wearing makeup; it's fun to put on. I won't wear it a lot when I finish my medication though, just because I won't really be bothered - there won't be as much point. For the time being though, I like wearing makeup. I use it to enhance my features, not to cover them up. 

What did you skin look like last year when you had acne and when you wore makeup? Is there a big difference? 

Yeah, a huge difference! Even when I wore makeup last year, you could still see major pigmentation and lumps under the skin. This is a comparison between June 2013 and June 2014, wearing makeup:

What's been the best thing about going on roaccutane?

Man, there's a lot. It's been a bit of a rollercoaster ride but going on this medication has honestly changed my life. Like I've said before, it's really helped me get my self confidence back. I was so unhappy last year; crying all the time because I hated myself so much. I've learnt a lot about myself this last year though. I've pushed myself to the absolute limit on a number of occasions. Now I am working towards TOTAL self confidence as well as skin confidence. 

It's only acne... why make a big deal about it?

Let me just clear something up (no pun intended): Until you experience any skin condition at all, it can be really hard to empathise with someone who has. Remember that everyone is fighting their own battle and just because it may not seem big to you (or big in the whole scheme of things) doesn't make it hurt any less for the person experiencing it. (And that was a terribly ineloquent sentence... I'm really tired okay... you get the picture.)

I hope this post was helpful! If you have any more questions, feel free to email me at avenuemblog@gmail.com. If you'd like to have a look at my older acne posts, you can check them out here and here. As always, thank you for the support and kindness. It's because of you guys that I feel comfortable sharing this kind of thing on the world wide web.