Does this mean that I need to be self conscious about MY cellulite too!?

Wednesday, March 16, 2022

What is something about your body that you feel kinda just *neutral* about, but, according to society’s standard of beauty, it’s seen as a flaw? 

For me it’s my stretch marks and cellulite. 

I’ve always had both, even when I was in the depths of my eating disorder and verging on anorexia, which indicates to me now that they are irrelevant to “health status”. 
I remember the first time cellulite was brought to my attention as something to be self conscious about. I was 19 and living in a share house with some girls around my age. One day, one of them, who I thought (and still do!) was the definition of beauty, pointed out that she “hated the cellulite” on the back of her thighs. I had never noticed this about her before, and was quick to say this as she gestured towards the dimpled skin on her upper thighs.
That night, I remember frantically googling cellulite and a zillion images popped up, along with the usual “quick fixes” and “magic” creams to get rid of it. I looked in the mirror and for the first time, noticed the dimpled skin on my own legs. Does this mean that I need to be self conscious about MY cellulite too!? I remember thinking. 

Six years later, at 25, I’m neutral about it. I have it on the back of my thighs and also my tummy. But… it’s kinda just, there ya know? It doesn’t particularly bother me. Everyone one has it, from women with petite size 4 bodies, to women in bigger bodies and everyone in between.  

Along with the cellulite; stretch marks flutter across the top of my breasts as well, reminding me of rapid growth, then rapid weight loss, then weight gain during ED recovery. This is sometimes harder to grasp, however, they are also peacefully existing on my body, causing no harm and making up the summary of my physical being which enables me to do so many wonderful things. 

I guess where I'm heading with this is; if more of us where neutral or simply - indifferent - towards "flaws", would they simply no longer be flaws according to the standards of beauty? I know for a fact that the presence of cellulite on women's body would eventually rear its head as a "problem" to me in my adult life, shortly after that interaction with my housemate, but what if no one had ever said it or brought it up? What if none of the things we need to "remove", or "get rid of" were ever pointed out? Would we be living a more happy and carefree life? Existing in our bodies, just as they are? Who decides that something isn't beautiful? Is it just one person and that begins a chain reaction that can carry through generations?

I would love to hear your thoughts on this, and your relationship with your body and the journey you have been on. Send me an email at 

misfortunes and triumphs

Sunday, September 29, 2019
It probably wouldn't come as a shock to the lot of you that as well as blogging here almost daily back in high school, I kept a journal that documented the highs and lows of my "dramatic" and often romanticised take on pre and (at then present) teen development. The pages were filled with an often rushed scrawl of exasperated thoughts; bursting to get out and be scribbled onto paper. Often it was highlighting hilarious details of how an innocent punch in the shoulder from a boy in the grade above me meant that he wanted to date (I was 13 when I wrote this mind you) as well as trying to creatively twist the mundane goings of six classes daily at school into something highly emotional and exciting. 

Today - 22 and holding the world's stinkiest and most resilient doggo in the entire world. He's a sweetie but he has a penchant for eating poo...  
These diaries begun from a humble collection of two, then later expanded into five or six as the years went on. One day when I was visiting Mum at our home on the Sunshine Coast, I went to source said diaries; wanting to peruse through the thoughts of a girl who lived in the same town many years before but was now living a very different life. To my shock, the diaries were gone from the storage box and my youngest sister Tess emerged, gingerly confessing that she had been reading the trivial tales before bed each night, having a good cackle at my misfortune and triumphs as a 13-16 year old. "These should be published someday" - one comment was made. This has stuck with me for a while - adding to my bucket list goal of one day having something published. Even tonight, an hour or so before I begun writing this, Jo and I are laughing hysterically at some of my youtube videos, published way back in the day before it was a possible career choice for people now. There's something very innocent about that Maria in the old photos, videos and writings that's definitely been replaced with a more aware and learned young woman who was forced to grow up quickly in some situations. My love for vintage and op-shopping back in the day begun as a trend and now has developed into an incentive to contribute to environmental sustainability and also save money. My love for writing and theatrics of life has lead me to be able to find humour in difficult situations and has undoubtedly made me a more pleasant person. My love for photography and fashion-y things (as cringe as that sounds) has enabled me to capture photos that I'll be able to treasure forever of my friends, family and other loved ones in a way that I wouldn't have been able to, had I not begun when I was 12. 

Sweet 16 - I was in year 11 in these photos - 6 years ago. I had an obsession with the golden hour, flower crowns and any movie with Ryan Gosling.
I guess this post was a bit of a reflection, and also a thank you. A thank you to old Maria for continuing to blog when it was still considered a "weird" hobby". Going through the archives of this website is always a privilege (sometimes extremely cringe), and I'm so glad I got to document so much of my life on here. I'm not much different at all in comparison to the girl in the photos from 2013 and 2014... (aside from the cheeks that reduced in size and the completely different hair colour). I'm still the same girl that will take every clothing item off the hanger until the floor becomes a floordrobe, just to find the perfect outfit. Still the girl that'll put her foot in her mouth in any romantic interaction ever (send your deepest and kindest regards to the boy I'm currently seeing, he's got an endless amount of patience) and still the girl that will break several cups before breakfast due to sheer clumsiness. 
2014 - that purple skirt is an opshop find I'll never forget. I wore it to within an inch of its life. 2015 - first year of uni and living out of home.

the middle of age 21

Tuesday, September 04, 2018
Brisbane QLD, Australia

Hello! Remember me??

I'm currently sitting here at my desk, sipping at my third cup of rooibos for the evening (it's going to be annoying when I get into bed and realise I'll need to make several trips to the toilet...), and to be honest, I'm not sure where to start. The period between my last post (July) and now (September) has been quite... busy and eventful. Work life is really good - I'm enjoying working with all my friends at McDonald's again, making coffees and hosting kid's parties which is always a hilarious and rewarding way to make money. I also just got a new job at Seed Heritage which is so so exciting because I've always loved their clothing and I've been wanting to get my foot into the retail door for a while now. I start on Thursday and I'm very excited to make new friends, build my wardrobe up even more and gain some insight into the behind-the-scenes of the fashion world. Juggling two jobs could be tricky until I find my feet but I'm sure I'll be fine - as long as I can keep paying my bills that's all that matters! #adultlife

Me, 1 hour into arriving at any party I thought I was TOTALLY
ready to go to... smh. 
My personal life has been a little bit turbulent as of late - Max and I broke up at the beginning of August and, being my first break up, it really hasn't been easy. It wasn't messy or bitter in any way; just sad and really really hard. I'm still not really sure how to put it into words; as I said, I've not experienced this before. Going back into the "single life" routine has been okay - I've picked up a few new hobbies that have helped get my mind off any sad thoughts (yoga and meditation!!); I've been spending lots of time with friends, but also enjoying my own company too. I still consider him to be one of my best friends and thinking back to the time we spent together in the 7ish months we dated, I genuinely feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have those memories - particularly as it was my first relationship. I learnt so much about love and who I am as a person. It was an amazing, beautiful experience that involved lots of laughter, companionship and romance and I will always think back on it fondly. (And hey Max, if you're reading this, thanks for going on an adventure with me :))

Me, except at Grill'd, with a dine-in order and the cheeseburger
is actually the "Summer Sunset" on a gf bun
Anyway, so there's been lots of change in life lately. Some good, bad and just downright confusing... but the saying "everything happens for a reason" has been replaying like a broken record in the back of my mind. It's comforting as the future rears its interesting head at me each morning when I wake up and wonder what the day's going to bring.
I hope your life is going well - wherever you're reading this from and whoever you are. Hopefully I'll be back here again sooner, rather than later.


** Also, cheers to Carrie Bradshaw for comforting me in times of emotional weakness and interesting sartorial choices... 

"whoever said orange is the new pink was seriously disturbed"

Sunday, July 08, 2018
South Brisbane QLD 4101, Australia

My housemate and her family decided to throw a "USA" party last night and the costume range was quite broad so I decided to go as either Marilyn Monroe, Barbie or Elle Woods. All true (and blonde!) American icons in my opinion. I had a wig to pull off the whole Marilyn look, and a ball dress, but I ended up looking like a turnip when I put it on my head (which is also abnormally large, mind you), so I opted for this beautiful pastel pink wiggle dress from 'That Shop', some silk gloves and a neck tie to complete the look. It was a splendid evening for catching up with friends and drinking ginger ale (non-alcholic.. I was driving).

Anyway! Hi! It's been a while...since May actually. I wanted to check in today as life has been very full on and there's been a few changes. I recently finished up full time work in the office I had began at in January to pursue a more flexible, active lifestyle. I miss all of my co-workers a lot but sitting down for too long doesn't suit me very well so I'm back to making coffees until I figure out my next step. I applied to be a police officer as it's been my dream job for a while now, but unfortunately wasn't shortlisted. As disappointed as I am, I'm still going to apply a year from now. Another year of life experience doesn't hurt!

Other aspects of life are going well - I'm a little bothered about not knowing what to do between now and mid next year when I apply for the QPS again, but at the same time I really need to chill out and remember I'm fresh into my 20s and have my whole life to decide what I want to be. So, I've decided in the meantime, I'll continue to have fun with my friends and family, buy lots of fresh flowers for my room, make cookies, give Max lots of kisses, blog a bit more, go to the gym (exercise has been such a massive part of my mental health over the last year)... and hope I'll have an epiphany! Ha!