holloway... this way

It's interesting, looking back and seeing how certain fashion icons have influenced my own choices in the morning when I'm getting dressed for the day, or perhaps the evening, when I'm going out for drinks with my friends.  I've been through a few fashion phases in my short life. They've included an obsession with looking like a porcelain doll (cue the lacy collars, abhorrent ruffles and socks-with-heels) and the "hideous vintage" phase that revolved around wearing blouses with unflattering shoulder pads and too-long skirts that doubled as floor-sweeping devices. None of these obsessions have stuck around fortunately (you're welcome to see for yourself... start with the 2013 archives...). There were some icons however that I look back on with fondness as I remember how much I wanted to dress like them when I was "older" and "more mature" and "had curves". 

The first time I saw a picture of Joan Holloway, I fell in love with everything about her style. THEN, I watched Mad Men, and realized that not only does she dress beautifully, but she's a pretty incredible and complex character too. To me, women are women, no matter what shape and size they are, but when I saw Joan, it helped me picture an older version of my younger self at the time. Joan's confidence radiated from her outer beauty through the way she held herself in difficult situations and her constant assertion when confronted with idiots. Joan is an important character in Mad Men for me because she is such an independent woman. She respects herself, therefore other's respect her. That's the type of woman I want to be. Confident, self-assured and perfectly content with who I am. Sure, she has her flaws, but her positive attributes and triumphs were what left me with something to think about when the screen went blank after the end of an episode. 

"Well, Marilyn's really a Joan, not the other way around"

This outfit reminds me of Joan. Replace the denim jacket with a camel-coloured coat and I feel like it's something she would've worn on a Monday morning to the office... making important phone calls, firing people who can't do their job properly and well, being a boss-woman who deserves all the success possible!

WEARING: H&M top, Dotti skirt, Target jacket, Rayban specs

LISTENING TO: This Night by Billy Joel

I'M ON MY WAY // winter uniform

 Tokito blouse, Target jeans, Topshop shoes

Hello!

I can't even remember whether I made it clear just how excited I am about being on holidays! Yes, it's true. I've got three weeks of pure bliss ahead of me. And since I clicked publish on the last couple of posts, life has significantly improved. The end of financial year has been a benefit in a number of areas of my life; most importantly, it's meant that Centrelink has upped my fortnightly pay by such a sum that a lot of my financial trouble will be relieved for the second half of the year. It's still not a lot that I will be getting, but when you're a student with multiple bills to pay and minimal work hours, every penny helps. Which leads me to my next point... I'm still not sure whether I will actually continue my studies for next semester (hopefully will come to a conclusion by next week). It's tough because I am halfway through my degree and if I keep going, I will be a graduate at 20, which is an immensely enticing thought. However, it all comes down to money, really. Being poor and having that financial strain adds to a degree that I'm not really enjoying; making it unbearable... which I have already emphasized enough! Ha. 

Anyway, onto more positive things - I am home again with my family, which has been a lot of fun. Basically, my time here consists of watching romcoms with my little sisters, eating WAY TOO MANY cookies, making dance movies and doing what sisters do... muck around and squabble with a bounce back rate of about 3 mins after an argument. Living the dream!

I'm feeling vastly more optimistic about life because of plans for the next few weeks; some friends and I are going on a road trip to NSW to go camping and bush walking in single digit weather (which will be very cold and very fun... and great driving experience for me!). I am also going to be my FIRST EVER concert too, so that's exciting. Apparently there's this thing called a moshpit? Not sure what that is but I will let you know how it goes. 

I hope wherever you are, or whatever you are doing, you are happy, and you have a great weekend/ week/ life. Over and out!

P.S: These jeans are called "Girlfriend" jeans, and are a slightly more fitted version of the "Boyfriend" jean that were popular a few years ago. Winter in Queensland is very mild, so this is basically what I wear every day when it's chilly. Sartorial life is quite simple these days when you're not sweating like a piglet in the sun, and there's a lovely fresh breeze blowing almost always. 

Currently listening to: I'm On My Way by The Proclaimers 

PART 2 // Anxiety & Mental Health

“QUICK! Run away from the Creativity Graveyard before it buries you!” – PART 2 (in a series of life improving steps by Maria Savage)

Happy weekend, friends! 

The last post was pretty heavy – I get that – but it was an important stepping stone for me. Recognizing one’s own dissatisfaction and unhappiness isn’t the easiest thing to do. Having your life together is the desirable status – so admitting that, hey, I don’t at the moment, means I’ve had to choke down a whopping portion of humble pie... apparently the perfect life doesn't exist?!

I thought I would update you all on what I have done so far since my recent publishing of the ‘creativity graveyard’ that is (according to me) my life. 

Firstly, I’ve had anxiety for a while now, but it’s the first time I’ve actually made an effort to actively address the issue and nip it in the butt before it gets worse and makes life even more miserable. It’s a hard thing to describe as a lot of people can experience anxiety (and depression) differently, but for me it sometimes gets so crippling that I can’t go about my everyday life routine without negative thoughts and irrational fears ruining my plans and turning me into the opposite of myself; a nervous and distressed character. My loved ones know about it, and have obviously experienced it first hand, and I’ve had a few recommendations to try out anti-depressants and pills to help improve the situation, but for me, I would rather do anything else. I’m a talker, so I’ve booked in to regularly see someone about what has been bothering me, and I’ll definitely keep you all updated on that as well. I am a very happy, and also blessed young woman, so waking up in the morning and feeling sad, unmotivated and generally very underwhelmed with my life is worrying and nonsensical to me. 

In between appointments with the psychologist, I’ve been doing a few things that have significantly helped in reducing my stress, anxiety and general “being sad” state. You don’t have to do these things, even if you just get up and get dressed for the day that’s an awesome achievement in itself, but if you are feeling particularly strong, here’s what you could do :)

• Are there any markets on where you live? Markets have an extremely positive and beautiful atmosphere about them. Every Wednesday in Brisbane city I head to the Farmer’s market. There are always colorful, fresh flowers; the smell of freshly baked goods and wholesome fruit and veg to appreciate. You can spend little to no money – just being in the presence of it all makes me happy. 
• Call you Mum. Or your sister, or your brother or an aunt, or an uncle. Even better, visit home for a few days. If things are really starting to get overwhelming, cancel your weekend plans and visit your family. 
• Fresh air. Exercise is such a weird thing for me… before doing it I HATE the thought of it, during I usually am thinking “Hey this isn’t so bad… I could get used to this!” and afterwards I ALWAYS think, ‘Wow, that was amazing!’. Even if it’s just a 20min brisk walk in the late afternoon. It’s also a beautiful bonus if you get to see a spectacular sunset. 
• Put on a cheerful playlist and clean something. It’s productive and distracting! 
• Write a letter to someone you care about – even print out some photos for it too. Doing something nice for someone else has amazingly powerful “warm fuzzies” feelings for you, too. 
• (If you are religious… or even if you aren’t!) Go to mass. Going in the morning at 7am is a good time to go for me because I can usually go for a walk before or after. It’s very quiet and relaxing and can be a really positive way to start the day. 
• Be kind… to yourself. This is the hardest thing for me to do out of all of the above. I get so frustrated with myself and the negative self-talk can be pretty horrible. Someone once said to me, “don’t say to yourself what you wouldn’t say to your best friend if she was feeling sad/depressed/ lonely”. So, be kind. Be nourishing, be gentle. It’s probably one of the most important things you can do, and I am still struggling with that. 

This is a small list of things that have been helpful to me… obviously there are a lot more, but I will add to it over time. Feel free to leave suggestions below of what helps you if you are feeling a little… flat. 

So… that’s Part 2 of ‘Life Improving methods by Maria Savage’ – even though it’s pretty self-explanatory, it can be hard to do, getting help if you are struggling with something. Mental health, especially within the younger generation, is something I am really passionate about, and I think the first step towards being actively passionate about something is addressing your own struggles with it first, and hopefully overcoming them. 

I will be back soon – thanks for reading! Part 3… hopefully that is a detailed plan of what I am hoping to do with the rest of my life… I mean, the next 6 months at least, would be a start. 

P.S: Big shout out to my little sister who so wonderfully took these photos for me today! A real patient operator she is, I am the *pickiest* when it comes to angles, lighting and composition… 

Dig Your Way out of the Creativity Graveyard (…don’t leave anymore flowers there, please!)

“QUICK! Run away from the Creativity Graveyard before it buries you!” – PART 1 (in a series of life improving steps by Maria Savage)

So... me, and 19.  

You know how much that above line killed me to write? I can just hear myself saying “Ahh! No! It’s “19 and I”, but the above just sounds better. Screw you, English. Oh, and the two exams I should be studying for next week. Instead, I’m sitting here writing about something that has nothing to do with what I am studying at uni.

And that is EXACTLY the problem.

I touched based on this issue about a month ago when I last sat down and wrote for Avenue Maria. Simply put, I’ve hit an absolute plateau in my life and I have no idea how to get myself out and keep on running. I just know that I need to, SOON, or else I’ll lose my mind. I don’t feel successful, I rarely feel inspired and the only thing that keeps me going (creative-wise) is the fact that I still see beautiful things everywhere and can take photos of them. My Instagram feed seems to be the only reminder that I’m still Maria – I still love what I can do. And that’s all I want to do.

I’m studying writing and communication at uni, and aside from a *few* positive things, I kinda hate it. I hate the fact that all I seem to do is read about grammar and punctuation, and forms of non-verbal and verbal communication. You know what that stuff is to me, and my brain? DRY. BORING. Limiting.

It’s limiting because I want to make things, I want to create, I want to feel, and I want to do. I want to pour my heart and soul into creating beautiful things, and content! You wanna know why? Because I’m really fucking good at it. I’m really good at designing things, and making things look nice, and appreciating beauty. Content, for this blog, has been so terribly neglected in the last 18 months.

Moving to Brisbane and doing all these new things was one of the best things I have ever done for myself, but now that I am here and I’m more than settled in, I feel like I’m not achieving anything. It just feels so wrong that I’m not pounding the pavement with artwork under my left arm, a steaming coffee in my hand, and the latest issue of Frankie in my handbag. It feels wrong that all I ever seem to be able to write about is THIS STUFF. The fact that I miss the way life used to be when I was smashing out high school assessment, as well as running a really successful blog that landed me in magazines and gave me the opportunity to work with wonderful brands that I genuinely cared about. 

I feel like a broken record. You know what I should be writing about? How-to this, and how-to that. And how to make your life wonderful, and exciting, and how to follow your dreams! But I can’t write an accurate, honest article like that unless I’ve tried and tested and learnt from experience.

So here we are. This is Step 1. Hey guys, I’m not loving where my life is going at the moment and I want to change it. I’m going to change it. I don’t know how I am going to go about doing that, but I’m going to make lists, drink lots of coffee, read lot of magazines and talk to people until I figure out what the hell I should do.

Please tell me I’m not the only 19-year-old out there that feels this way? I mean, I already know the answer to that question, because there are 7.4 billion people in the world, so there would, statistically, be lots of others, but I still feel pretty alone on this one.

I have been blogging for six years, and in that time, my knowledge of social media, photography and the writing industry has developed in a completely unique, self-taught way. I got a head start before uni. I started blogging for the first time when I was 12. I learnt the basics of html coding when I was 13. I taught myself how to use photoshop when I was 14, I was featured in magazines when I was 15, and I started working with big companies before even being a legal adult. This isn’t stuff that I am boasting about; my point is that I skipped the basics, and now I’m at uni and being treated like everything is NEW, when actually, Professor, I’ve been working on this sort of stuff for seven years of my life. It’s not new to me, it’s a concept I may not have a degree in, but I bloody well feel like I should because of the real-life experience I’ve had. Instead of being challenged, and excited about the content I am currently learning, I’m bored. I’m paying six grand a semester to be bored out of my mind. That’s not the kind of lifestyle I signed up for, and I need to change it now.

I have always pictured myself as being a successful woman that glows outwardly from confidence, success and an impeccable water intake. And I still am that woman, I know I am her, she’s just buried underneath pages of communication theory that dates back to the 80s, and a student debt that means nothing.

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If you got this far, thanks for reading. You’re a legend, and feel free to leave a comment below with advice or personal experience.

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Image sources:

“Girl Running with Wet Canvas”, 1930, Norman Rockwell

Carrie Bradshaw collage via Elle